The Voluptuous Manifesto's tour de France

Stage 1: London to Lille

The start of the tour was a chaotic shambles involving several climbs.

First, with a dedication to reminding us just why we won't miss London that would do anyone justice, whoever plans roadworks had decided that, between travelling to work yesterday and travelling to St Pancras International this morning by the exact same route, new roadworks would be put in place.

This would cause a serious diversion that would mean, when we got off our bus at what had seemed a logical stop, it was only to find that that was closed. Romping up the road, we realised how far the diversion went - and all of it up hill. With big bags. At the first possible opportunity, we hopped a cab.

Once at the station, having lost valuable time, we realised the joys early on the morning of the first day of the school holidays, with our check in coinciding with that of the Disney Express. I was not in the mood for excitable individuals of all ages running around in mouse ears.

Shoved to the front of one queue and then another, we finally made it aboard the Eurostar with just a few minutes to spare - and having run up the very steep travellator onto the platform, leaving me distinctly short of breath.

The first sign of spring

I know it must be nearly the beginning of the end of winter: as I ventured into the chill air this morning, I was met by the sight of a veritable little copse of plastic road barriers that had sprung up overnight.

“My, my,” I thought to myself, as a little frisson lifted the spirits.

“It must be February and the start of the road digging up season – otherwise known as the end of winter.”

For in humble Hackney, with more reliability than the first snowdrops poking through, come roadworks.

They dig holes in our road at least twice a year – I am increasingly convinced that they use us for training apprentice road digger uppers: it’s difficult to work out otherwise why it happens with such astonishing regularity.

And our little stretch hasn't even had its old Victorian sewers replaced yet – this time next February, perhaps?